When I first arrived I was baffled as to why the girl I'm dating would bring me to such a place. There was nothing but beautiful girls everywhere wearing next to nothing. I have to give my girl credit for having the balls to bring me to such a place and not worry about me seeing all these other gorgeous creatures.
So here I am laying on my pink mat, surrounded by beautiful women (wearing very little), in a steamy room, that is very quiet except for the ambient sounds coming from the speakers. I thought I had died and gone to heaven for a minute. That was until the class began.
The instructor arrived (known as the YOGI which made me think of Yoshi from Mario) and began the class with a calling to the Gods. WTF???? This is where shit got really weird for me. The next thing I know he is leading everyone through a series of meditation hums and what not. It took every bit of effort I had not to laugh out loud. A few snickers did however come out and nothing but angry glares were shot my way (fuck the bitches with the angry stares...they are probably vegetarians anyway.) After we made it through the chants, callling to the Gods, and singing of some weird ass African tribal song it was time to begin actual Yoga.
After the first five minutes I was drenched in sweat... I couldn't believe how intense and difficult this shit was. I don't know if it was the lack of oxygen getting to my brain or the myriad of beautiful women poking their asses out in every humanly possible way but I actually began to enjoy myself. I could tell I was getting a great workout because I had never sweated so much except for the time I had sex in a sauna while living in NYC.
So there I was doing Yoga and really getting into it when out of nowhere the unthinkable happened. I was moving my body into the downward facing dog position (Yoga terminology bitches) when all of a sudden an uncontrolled fart released its self from my puckered butt cheeks. I wish I could say it was silent and smelled like roses but this was not the case. Being in an almost silent room this fart rang out like the dawning of a new morning. My first reaction was to turn to the girl I'm dating and say "you could say excuse me." This would automatically take the blame off me but for some reason I couldn't bring myself to blame it on her. So there I was doing everything I could not to laugh and hoping that since it was so loud no one could pin-point exactly where it was released. But then the smell hit like a ton of bricks to the face. It had the smell of one of those farts you rip in your car on a hot summer day with all the windows up just so you can see how smelly your gas is. I'm sure you're wondering how I played this off. Well friends I did the next best thing. I started making rude faces at the girl on the other side of me. This would help insinuate that I was very upset that she would do such a thing. After a couple of disapproval head shakes and finger motions to the girl on the right of me I was in the clear. I had successfully put the blame on her and from the eyes of the others around me I could tell they believed that it was in fact this little girl. The fact that she was asian probably didn't help her case either.
I spent the rest of the class squeezing my ass cheeks together and praying that another slip doesn't happen. It would be near impossible to blame a second fart on someone else. Note to self...don't eat Taco Bell before Yoga class.
Overall the experience was pretty good. I got an incredible workout, I found out where all the beautiful women like to hangout, and the girl I'm dating repaid me for going with her with some things I'd rather not discuss on here : )
The picture right below this is an example of the downward dog position. This was the position I was doing when all hell broke lose from my bowels.
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